Angie,  I know you know this,  but you really need a good therapist who specializes in sexualCauses of sexual dysfunction
Erection problems
Female sexual dysfunction
Sexual problems overview abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse of childrenChild neglect and psychological abuse
Child safety seats
Child tylenol cold multi-symptom plus cough
School age child development.  Although you have never told anyone the specific details,  can you write them down - maybe even as a story about a character with a different name than yours?

This is kind of like scrubbing a burnAirway burn
Burn, blister - close-up
Burn, thermal - close-up
Burns
Burns - resources
Eye burning - itching and discharge
First degree burn
Gastroesophageal reflux disease
Heartburn
Heartburn prevention
Minor burn - first aid - series wound,  I know.  But I really think you will have a very difficult time parenting your daughter if you don't get a better perspective on this and begin healing.

Best wishes.

I can't. Just the thought of writing it down makes me want to throw up. When my father walked away from me, so did all hope of ever talking about it. I could not live through someone else walking away from me. I just can't do it.

Angie,  I read your post below and agree that if your mind has blockedBlocked tear duct parts of the abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse,  it may be a good idea to shield yourself from dredging up the memoriesMemory loss
Mental status tests that you've blockedBlocked tear duct.

It sounds like the abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse was disgusting and painfulPainful menstrual periods,  but maybe the worst for you  was your father not believing you and actually physically turning and walking away.

In cognitiveMental status tests and behavioral therapy,  you can learn to replace that image in your mind for something pleasant.    Some memoryMemory loss
Mental status tests when you were very loved,  protected,  cared for,  etc.

Best wishes.  This sounds very difficult.

Angie-- If you talk to a counselor, you do not have to tell anything you do not want to tell. Ask how to comfortComfort tears your feelings. A good counselor can help you with this,and will not ask you to tell all.

That's the problem. I don't want to talk about it at all. I just want it to go away. My entire life I have not been able to relate to anyone. I'm not antisocial or anything like that. I get along fine with people. I just have never had any very close friends. I always feel like an outsider.

This is so stupid. I get so upset with myself because I feel like at my age I should be able to put it all behind me but more and more I'm just losing myself.

This might be helpful for you,  Angie.  Very practical advise - and it's right.  A LOT of people feel like you do.  It's not just you.

Best wishes.

http://www.life-with-confidence.com/feel-like-an-outsider.html

Thanks. It does make sense, although it's always easier said than done.

Angie, you said - "That's the problem. I don't want to talk about it at all. I just want it to go away. My entire life I have not been able to relate to anyone. I'm not antisocial or anything like that. I get along fine with people. I just have never had any very close friends. I always feel like an outsider."

I am totally the same - not being able to really relate to anyone.  But I did pluck up the courage to go and see a psychologist and it turned out to be the best thing I ever did.  I don't know WHY on earth I had such trepidation about it.  He REALLY knew how people's minds are put together and why we react the way we do and came up with a game plan to help me.

Aditionally remember that everything you say to a counselor is kept in strictest confidence.  Even your husband won't know what you two talk about.  I would greatly encourage you to AT LEAST give counseling a try - and preferrably counseling by a licensed psychologist (although I am sure non-psychologist counselors can probably be of great help too).

cg Great post. I agree with everything you say. The abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse makes us isolatedIsolated sleep paralysis. Group therapy, especially, can teach us how much we have in commonCommon cold.

Honestly, I have seen counselors, although it was many years ago. I have no desire to relive a part of my life that I just want to forget. Not only that, but unless someone has walked in my shoes, I could not take any kind of advice of them. I don't feel like they'd have any business giving me advice if they haven't personally experienced the same thing.

I too was sexually, physically, and mentally abused.  I too have childrenChild neglect and psychological abuse
Child safety seats
Child tylenol cold multi-symptom plus cough
School age child development.  I too told my mother what her boyfriend had done to me when I was 8.  She also walked away from me.  She didn't want to believe it.  She made me go through 5 more years of sexualCauses of sexual dysfunction
Erection problems
Female sexual dysfunction
Sexual problems overview and all the above abuseAlcoholism
Chemical dependence - resources
Child abuse - physical
Child abuse - sexual
Child neglect and psychological abuse
Drug abuse
Drug abuse and dependence
Drug abuse first aid
Family troubles - resources
Laxative overdose
Signs of drug abuse with that man.  Until I ended it.  I ran away from home and never looked backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment.  I can tell people that I was abused but just like you I can't go into details.  Now my daughter is 8 years old and everything came backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment to me like it happened yesterday.   Paranoia and anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety set in.   I thought because I got myself out of the situation when I left home that I would be okay.  I'M NOT!  To add on top of all of this....I was molested younger than 8 by a familyBirth control and family planning
Choosing a primary care provider
Ewing’s sarcoma
Family troubles - resources member, told my mother and she walked away from that one too!  I'm reliving everything all over again.  It seems that when my daughter hits each age of the same age I was when all this happened to me, I relive it all over again and I also get so angry with my mother because I would NEVER allow my babyBabies and heat rashes
Baby feeding patterns to go through what I went through.  I lost my father to suicideSuicide and suicidal behavior 2 years after I ran away, so my one and only security blanket was gone before the blink of an eyeAmblyopia
Blepharitis
Bloodshot eyes
Cataract - close-up of the eye
Color vision test
Conjunctivitis
Contact lens electrode on eye
Crossed eyes
Dry eyes
External and internal eye anatomy
Eye.  I also grew up being an outcast, no one liked me, and today I STILL don't have any friends.  I have people I talk to but they're not my friends....they make fun of me and they take my kindness for a weaknessWeakness and so on.  I'm sooo scattered right now and I am sorry for that.  I just want to let you know that you are NOT alone in this.  I 100% understand you!  I want to go into more detail with you, but I'm trying to hurry.  I have SO much more to tell.  I don't want this comment to be all about me though, I just want you to know that I DO know what you're going through and I suffer everyday with this.  You not wanting to talk to someone that hasn't walked in your shoes, I feel the same way.  They can do all the schooling and studying all they want, but they won't EVER know or feel the real-deal unless they've been through it themselves.  I just wanted to give you a little bit of my experiences in a quick way so you know you are not alone in this.  I hope that you don't feel so alone.  This is a great community with so many loving people on here.  Stick around for a while and you'll see.  My prayers are with you

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heartCongenital heart disease
Cor pulmonale
Coronary heart disease
Cyanotic heart disease
Depression and heart disease
Heart attack
Heart attack first aid
Heart attack symptoms
Heart bypass surgery
Heart bypass surgery - series
Heart disease. You are the very firstFirst progesterone mc10
First progesterone mc5
First-progesterone vgs 200
First-progesterone vgs 400 person EVER to seem to know exactly where I'm coming from. I am so sorry that your mother turned away from you. When my father did the same to me I was crushed, ashamed and felt like I was no better than the **** on the bottom of his shoe. I know how horrible it is. I too, often feel scattered and get anxietyGeneralized anxiety disorder
Separation anxiety
Stress and anxiety. I really thought that I had gotten to a place where I could look at myself in the mirror and be ok, until after having 4 sons, I had a daughter. It was then that it all came backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment at me.  If ever you need someone to talk to, I'm all earsEar barotrauma
Ear discharge
Ear emergencies
Ear examination
Ear tube insertion
Ear tube insertion - series. Thank you!!!!!

I'm so glad to hear from you!  I was the same way.  I was okay until I had my daughter.  Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade her for the world, but what I'm trying to say is at each age that she gets to be, that is the same age that things happened to me I immediately have flashbacks and things that I completely forgot about enter my headHead and face reconstruction
Head injury
Head lice
Indications of head injury
Radial head injury.  Please don't be sorry for me.  It's okay.  It really is.  I just know where I stand with her now and always have known.  I think what's happening to us is, we now have little girls of our own and we see them and think how could you do something so sickSick sinus syndrome and demonic to such an innocent precious little girl?  The your dad and my mom part we think how could you let them get away with this?!  Why didn't you do anything about it?!  That's what we're going through now, knowing that we have daughters of our own and we would NEVER allow something like that to happen to them.  Us knowing (Lord forbid) that if something like that did happen to our daughters, we sure as hell wouldn't walk away from them like nothing ever happened.  We would fight til the end and WE would win.  Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I fight off a lot of demons every day and that you are not alone.  I know you need some one to talk to, as so do I and I wanted to let you know that I'm here for you.  God gave me a wonderful gift of compassion and a wonderful gift of TRUELY listening to others who need to talk.  I think that's why I've been through so much.  So I can be the way I am.  I am sooo happy to hear from you.  I've been watching this post all day.  Thank you so much for writing me backBack pain - low
Back strain treatment!