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Sexuality & Relationships  (Expert Forum)
 | 
Is it Me?
Answered by
Janice M Epp, PhD - Female sexual issues, Adolescent sexuality, Male sexual issues
Private Practice Palo Alto - CA
This forum is for questions and support regarding relationship issues such as: Abstinence, Arousal Problems, Birth Control, Cohabitation, Commitment, Communication, Couples Counseling, Desire /Lack of Desire, Sexual Technique.

Is it Me?

by gluttenforpunishment, Nov 06, 2008 06:00PM
I have had a few sexual relationships in my time. I have never had a problem or complaint.  However, I have gone through two experiences where I feel like I am doing something wrong.  

My ex boyfriend and I had amazing sexual experiences, however there were times where he did not ejaculate.  I asked him if it was me and he, each time, told me no.  I thought it could be because he worked out every single day, or the stress of his job, or the vitamins he was taking.  He said I could be right.  In the end, I did hear that he cheated on me.  So I now think it was either guilt or he wasn't focused on me.

Now, I am with someone new.  And again, he is very physically fit, and works out every single day.  He has a lot of work stress also.  He also takes a lot of vitamins and antioxidants.  We have been sexually active but he has yet to ejaculate.

Is this normal?  Is it me? Do men in there 30's usually experience this?  I need clarification.  Thank you.

by Janice M Epp, PhD, Nov 18, 2008 03:30PM
To: gluttonforpunishment
You're asking for something that is way too complicated to deal with in a forum such as this. I can't tell you anything about these two men because I don't know anything about them.

And I can't tell you anything about yourself because I don't know you and I don't know the dynamics of your relationships.

I CAN tell you that there are various contributing factors to men not having an orgasm. Here are a few: stress, discomfort with sex, fear of intimacy, not being turned on by a partner, various physiological conditions.

Vitamins, working out, etc. do not contribute to lack of orgasm. However, if you're in relationships with a man who is highly stressed and fatigued and this is combined with any of the above conditions, it's certainly possible that would affect orgasm.

If it's an issue for you, I'd suggest you talk with your partner about it in a non-threatening way. Dr. J
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