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Alcoholism Community
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alcoholic mother in law
by DevilsDoor, Nov 07, 2008 03:10PM
Hi all, new to this forum but not to medhelp.
My mother in law is 61 tomorrow and Im not sure how to describe her, whether its alcoholic, recovering alcoholic or binge drinker. She used to be alcohol dependent, got off the drink herself about 17 months ago, became a lot nicer person, health improved, etc etc. For perhaps the past 10 months she has been drinking on a friday and saturday night and over the past 3 months between herself and her nephew they have drank over 600 cans. Her health is going down hill again, she has turned into the most vile, nasty, vicious person Ive ever met. She verbally abuses my husband (who has his own addiction problems and doing very well with them - been drug free for 32 months), she doesnt think she is doing anything wrong and if she wants to Effing well drink she will. Her nose has turned blue, my husband is in despair, Im being blamed for him not going to visit when the truth of it is, neither of us want to be around her and we dont want our children around her either.
I personally am at my wits end, because the position my husband is in, is unfair, mother forcing him to choose her or his wife and kids, fighting his own demons, trying to look after me (I suffer chronic depression/anxiety plus 3 shoulder surgeries and going into hospital in 2 weeks), 2 unwell children, plus my parents are ill as well.
I guess im just looking for support, answers, what can we do, what cant we do, coz we both know there is no talking to a drunk, no reasoning with one, same as we know she has to want to stop.
My mother in law is 61 tomorrow and Im not sure how to describe her, whether its alcoholic, recovering alcoholic or binge drinker. She used to be alcohol dependent, got off the drink herself about 17 months ago, became a lot nicer person, health improved, etc etc. For perhaps the past 10 months she has been drinking on a friday and saturday night and over the past 3 months between herself and her nephew they have drank over 600 cans. Her health is going down hill again, she has turned into the most vile, nasty, vicious person Ive ever met. She verbally abuses my husband (who has his own addiction problems and doing very well with them - been drug free for 32 months), she doesnt think she is doing anything wrong and if she wants to Effing well drink she will. Her nose has turned blue, my husband is in despair, Im being blamed for him not going to visit when the truth of it is, neither of us want to be around her and we dont want our children around her either.
I personally am at my wits end, because the position my husband is in, is unfair, mother forcing him to choose her or his wife and kids, fighting his own demons, trying to look after me (I suffer chronic depression/anxiety plus 3 shoulder surgeries and going into hospital in 2 weeks), 2 unwell children, plus my parents are ill as well.
I guess im just looking for support, answers, what can we do, what cant we do, coz we both know there is no talking to a drunk, no reasoning with one, same as we know she has to want to stop.
Bless your heart I just wish you all the best. I dont' know what your faith is, but i try to go one day at a time and Give it to GOD. Hugs to you. TJ
TJack, cat is very ill, her wounds have collapsed due to infection and she is on 3 lots of antibiotics plus painkillers, going 3 times a week to the vets to have them cleaned etc. My life right now is total chaos and I honestly cant deal with anymore hassle, Im a self harmer and fighting damn hard not to fall back into doing that and right now its just what I really want to do, at least then you can make sense of why things hurt. But I wont, Ive far to much to fight for, love my kids to bits they are my world and my cats come a very close second.
Im expecting hubby to come back from his mothers, wound up because other family members will be there drinking and things will be said and so far Ive kept quiet because Ive not wanted to cause my hubby any problems, but time is running out and I wont keep quiet forever. Kids and pets cant take care of themselves least of all when they are ill and if SHE as a grown woman cant take care of herself without bleating then ive no sympathy, Im no slave, no emotional punchbag and now Im that upset and angry Im crying.
Thankyou so much both of you
Carey
Anyway, i just want to comment on what Bandida said. Please do not go back to any old habits. What did you do to yourself in the past? Cut yourself? My therapist asked me the other day if I had ever done that. No, thank the LORD. Never crossed my mind.
Pain Pills and booze were enough of a downfall for this gal. Please hang in here with us. Keep posting. I am concerned also for your husband. You say he has been clean and sober for 32 mos., i believe i read. He doesn't need to be under this sort of pressure either, but suppose he has to figure that out on his own. Wish you both the best and the kitty and the kids as well. Hugs, TJ