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Grief & Loss Community
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by sissy480, Nov 08, 2008 12:20AM
i think of my mom and i go in a panck atack if i would have let them do the dialis on her that day woud she still be hear was it my falt she is dead she 4 1 was on it 2 years and on a lifesuport 4 one month but she was alert i was her p,o, she was ill a long time the dock told me if she was going to do dialis he was not going to be her dock no moor for me to let her go she was sufring so js i my falt?????????????? BE TRUFUL
Member Comments (2)
by mommy52, Nov 08, 2008 04:16PM
No. Never think it was or is your fault. Your mother apparently had a MD that she trusted and she also trusted you as her P.O. to act on her behalf if she was not able. You relied on the docs knowledge and and his expertise. At some point the kidneys can not filter even with dialysis. The toxins return sooner. Hope I explained that correctley. The kidneys are so worn out, nothing will help them. In that sense, your mother was suffering. My patients tell me towards the end, that dialysis is horrible and the benefits do not out weigh the benefits. They never tell their families this. They choose to stop dialysis and the family accepts. It's not easy for them. Sometimes it is not until after the loved one has passed, that they see them peaceful and pain-free that they are able to let go. With some families they never do. I have panic attacks when I think about my son. It has been 11 years in Jan. I still feel there should have been something I could have done or taken him somewhere. Then I stop and know I did all I could do as did the doctors. I remember the peaceful and pain-free expression look on his face. I know he is in a better place. This knowledge did not automatically come. It took many years. I kept telling myself he was in a better place and I finally believed it. I still miss him.Have beautiful memories in the worst of times. Hold to those memories you have of the good times and never, never think you did wrong by following advice of MD I wasn't there,but have been with families when they had to make the same decision. So many times doctors will give truthful information to patient and family, but it is all in the way they tell them. Personally, I feel it is the nurse's opportunity to step up and explain to where those involved understand. Wish I could have been there for you, But am here now if you ever need to talk. I always wonder if I have helped anyone. Sometimes I think---stay quiet- listen and let someone respond. I also say, from my experience--- better to say something wrong to comfort than nothing at all. At least the person knows I cared or a person cared enough to try and reach out to comfort. The holidays are approaching and I am sure we all will have grief- some more thatn others- but still grief. Reach out-By doing so you will also help yourself. The best gift to give is self. Love ya..Bear Hugs. Madlyn
by mommy52, Nov 11, 2008 09:40PM
To: sissy480
How are you doing. I am so sorry. I did not ask you how long it had been since your mother passed. I know when someone tells you they are in a better place, it doesn't help when the death is new. If anything it made me angry. I knew my mom and my son where in a better place and were now at peace without pain. That didn't help my pain at the time. I even had someone cone to me after the service and this is what she told me: "I know how you feel. I know how I felt when my husband left me." I wanted to slap her right there in the church. Thank goodness our pastor/friend heard this and drew me aside and comforted. I try so so hard to never tell anyone tha I know how they feel, because I do not. I can only imagine based on how I felt with my loss. Please let know how you are. If you ever need someone to listen ortalk to,I will be here. It has helped me to remember the good times, but I will never forget the sad times.
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